fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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