My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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