News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Less talking, more tequila
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
how drunk are you?
Several
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
