Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
