So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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