I wish I only lived at night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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