Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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