I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
