And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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