I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
