You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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