I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
