I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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