I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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