I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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