New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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