Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
