So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
