Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
