I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
