tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize