I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
