mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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