i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
