I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
did i just pee glitter
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