You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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