4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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