It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
