So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
