I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
