I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
