Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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