I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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