I hate your face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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