I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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