youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize