Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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