last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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