Why does Corona taste like a burp?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
