so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
