if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i would punch a child for taco bell
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
