looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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