he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize