dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So many bounce houses so little time
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
