I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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