I'm eating all of the evidence.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize