we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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