I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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