At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
