I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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