Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
