Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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