Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
