Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
