Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
