my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
