whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
