he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
