I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
