Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
