We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
