If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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