Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
