My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we should paint friendship bongs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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