At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
