If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
