I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
