she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do vagina's smell?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
