I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
