btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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